The Business of Life...

20 days since my last post and you would think I would be overflowing with gossip, good news, and wittiness out the ying-yang...well, life is quite odd...in the score of days I have nothing to say other than this...life is crazy!!!!!!! Just when you think you have it all figured out...just when you think you're prepared, something spirals into your path that you never-ever expected!

The only thing I've learned to do, is change my way of thinking. I am what I think and that's really what fuels my esteem and how I feel about life in general. If something happens I have this strange gift or curse, I haven't quite figured out which one, of not allowing it to linger in the forefront of my mind. I have learned to let it go and not worry about tomorrow and damn sure don't linger on the past, because that's energy that's being wasted!

I used to drink at a high level. Not to the point of vomiting or passing out, but I drank to numb old feelings and I learned very quickly (and financially, I might add)...that that doesn't work. The problem is still there, along with a hangover, and a tab on your bank statement that you still can't quite figure out how many of those drinks belonged to you! Which brings me to circumventing our selves with people who've decided to address their problems head on...I'm tired of the revolving door method and I want solutions, so that when I'm out....I'm out! Not turning back, no seeing it again in another situation...and even if I do recognize it again, my exit strategy will already be in place.

To those who enjoy my blogs....sorry about the length of time between my postings...I'm completely overwhelmed with the business of life at times. And while the blog is definitely on my mind, my body is needed elsewhere. I'm sort of an important person you know!!

Nonetheless, I'll get better at attending to this place. This is my personal therapy. Those who personally know me, know that I'm very honest about how I feel, whether perceived weak or strong, I let it all out! It doesn't mean I'm losing it, but I am losing "the thing" that's on my heart at the moment! That's always good, to be able to let it all out...whether others are comfortable with your methodology or not, it's all about you in the end....bump what other's have to say, we all need clarity. A free and clear mind has become a luxurious paradise! It's my safe-haven and a wonderful place to visit, especially for the long haul. But life, sometimes just throws you lemons and you've got to make it lemonade that gives you a Kool-Aid smile. If others can't relate, then give them time...they have not ventured into this course of life yet and surely, they will.

A Retired Jersey

You know I've pondered on writing about the dynamics of my personal relationship with a promising young lad that shall remain anonymous. It's like no other relationship I've ever encountered or even heard of. But instead of going on and on about this amazing man with an intriguing mind and fun sense of humor, I'll take the low road and speak to those who haven't found a light of fire since a Danielle Steel novel!

I have...like every woman you know, portrayed in a Lifetime movie, or featured in a women's magazine...been dogged out, played out, & taken for granted! But, unlike most women, I've never given up on love. Call me Charlotte! Yeah, I've learned vital lessons, and tucked these new experiences under my belt. But I'll be damned if I'll let those tough times turn me into a jaded & bitter soul. I refuse to sell my soul for a few heartbreaks and broken headboards, so that I can feel like the predator this time, instead of the prey.

Trust me ladies (and gentlemen, if you're out there), if there's anybody who should be the Lil' Kim anthem, it's me! I should be doing unto them, as they did unto me. But I don't have the time to allow my past to have that much control in my future. I've turned over a new leaf with life experiences, and I've slowly realized that the tougher the experience, the wiser you are when you rise above it. The sense of accomplishment after the struggle, overwhelms that pitiful feeling of defeat you once had.

Today, there's this new "arm" candy. He's scrumptuous and delicious in every sense of the word. I look forward to our conversations as well as our inter-actions! : ) He's a great guy and I don't know if I could have said that a couple of years ago about my "then" boo. Maybe. But I know, deep down, I wouldn't have meant it. Secretly, I would have worried and complained about the ill-treatment...But "then" had to happen in order for me to be here and appreciative of "our" moments.

Relationship talk, nowadays, is so taboo. If it doesn't involve dogging the opposite sex, it sounds as though you're speaking a foreign lanugage to those listening. For instance, if I had said, "I'll drink his bath water." My girls may say, "awwww." And then behind my backs, "girl he's gonna dawg the sh*t out of her. Men ain't sh*t!" LOL! It's all good though. I understand and I can even relate to wearing the hopeless romantic jersey. We've all been there and I'm just hoping, with my fingers crossed & my eyes above, that I won't be rocking the "45" no time soon.

The Born Supremacy

Today's my birthday! Yes, today I turned twenty-(cough) years old. Sorry, I got a frog in my throat. But I'm so thankful to have made it to see another year. Yes just one score and nine years ago, my parents were happy to see the bundle of joy that would be the thorn in their butt for a lifetime. I weighed a jaw-dropping 9lbs and 11 oz & 23 inches long. (That was a lot during that time.) My mom was relieved to finally drop me from her wound, because I had turned that placenta into a recreation room. To this day she has discomfort in her rib from my elongated limbs.

Nonetheless, I'm here today because I've been fortunate enough to be blessed and favored by God. There have been plenty of moments when my life could have been compromised and death could have had his way with me. But through powers, unbeknowst to myself, I was given another chance. I'm so thankful for all that life has taught me to this point and I'm looking forward to the many other lessons it has in store for me.

When I was younger, I thought life was just a good time and that if you lived your life in excitement and ran away from problems that they would never catch up to you. Well, the great old twenty-somethings teach you that that ideology is purely what it is...ideal. In reality, life will do whatever it wants. It's like getting on a roller coaster blindfolded. You don't know what to expect. Sometimes it feels great, exhilarating, thankful that you chose to ride. While there are other times where you are thrown here and there and you're hoping to God that you can make it to the end alive. As I have learned there are some things about life that are enjoyable and there are other moments that are not. But the great thing about it is the fact that in the end, or even midway through the ride, you get used to the unexpected and you become a bit wiser. You grip the sidebars when you hit the peak, you hold your breath if you have to, you use reverse psychology...whatever it takes, wisdom is adaptive and designed through struggle and the will to hold on tight.

Thank you, thank you, thank you to my beloved parents. Who are still here breathing and getting older. They've taught me so much about life, intentionally and unintentionally. But today I'm saying to me that I love you and when you were born, who would've thought you would have made it this far!

LOVE,

Yourself