Wake Up Alone

I can't believe that I'm saying this...publicly, but recently, I had to walk away from a situation. Okay, let me stop trying to be so politically correct and get reality show honest. I had to walk away from him, ya'll. It was hard, but I grabbed my altar ego Superwoman suit and threw it on. The S on my chest pertruded, as I walked away with my head held high and an ounce of integrity left. Yes, my chest aches and I want to turn back around, but I'd rather be restless. Alone, in my bed, reaching for another heart beat, than settle for discontentment. The reality is, I have to walk alone, if he can't walk by my side. If he doesn't reach out for my hand and looks the other way when I reach for his, we're definitely not on the same path.
Nowadays, I'm absorbed in my work and I keep idle moments to a minimum. I try not to get trapped in deep thoughts and memories. I focus on the present moment and my determined future of love and respect. There are moments, when his name races across my mind. I look at my phone and check for a flashing red light, a missed call, or an unanswered text message. When I fall asleep at night, the hardest fight is to not dream about him. Our last thoughts at the magic moment when we slip into slumber, is usually what we dream about. So the television is my hiatus for keeping me off that dreamboat.
When I awaken, the fresh moment of forgetting what was heavy on my heart yesterday is priceless. But then something reminds me, my Blackberry, a scent, a song on the radio, or my heart instantly remembers that it's time to ache for him again.
I'm okay. Waking up like this. Operating daily with my phone left inside of my car, to keep me focused on the much needed distractions of the day. Prayers by the moment and deep sighs get me through my nine to five. I'll be fine and maybe one day, one day in the future...He'll come for me and I'll drown in our passion for one another. But until then, I'll wake up alone.