If you know me, you will know that my writing did not begin at Blogger. I've been writing since I was in the fifth grade...won a couple of awards. Wrote a couple of unpublished, handwritten novels throughout grammar and middle school. I thought I was Judy Blume back in the day. But then MySpace came around and allowed me to showcase an updated version of my expressive heart. Here are a few blogs that I originally posted on my Crackspace page...Check it out!
COMMENTARY: I wrote this when I was down in the dumps. I was depressed, not even gonna lie or try to sugar coat it. When my feelings are real raw, especially when I'm stressed, I write honestly and I think...my best! Words are therapy and try to use them to medicate my state of mind...
Title: TODAY, November 18, 2006
Some of you wanted to read some of the things I've written privately and some of the things I've spoken publicly....Either way, I don't mind sharing.
Here's something entitled:
A Day in My Life
Here's something entitled:
A Day in My Life
I am inspired. TODAY.
When I awakened today, I looked outside and made sure my car was where I parked it last night.
That was a sign…that today already, was going to be a good day. I smiled.
Looked over at my younger version…she's five…her eyes still closed and her mind still dreaming. I put my finger to her nose and felt the soft wind. I smiled. Another sign that today, is going to be a good day.
Walked to my bathroom, turned on the lights. They're working. A great day indeed.
Felt a cramp in my stomach, pulled down my panties…She's here, a sigh of relief,
I grinned. Thank You God! What a fabulous day!
Sat down on my toilet, pulled a magazine from a stack, as my body readied itself to release some garbage that it didn't need. Whew! What a day this will be…I already feel free!
Took a long, body touching shower…gave myself a thorough examination…no bumps, no lumps…a good day.
Combed my hair down, framed my face…smiled…blew a kiss at me… no man is here to…but, it's still a good day for me.
Put on my favorite jeans, jiggled my booty to get it to my waist…sucked in my tummy…there…that's it…now, I can breathe.
Today is a day for me.
Poured some juice in a glass and grabbed a handful of grapes. Sat near my bay window and ate.
There goes the garbage truck and there goes the paperboy. Stranger after stranger walks down my street and none of them notice me.
And as I watch, I remember the days that weren't so great.
The car was gone, the lights were off, the abortion was done, the period was missed, the stomach was protruding undesirably, the lump was there, a man hell-sent was in my bed, the jeans made it no further than my calves, and the food…there was none there.
So this day….days like this….will always be… to me…a blessing.
COMMENTARY: Well, well, well! I wrote the following blog after discovering that the guy that I'd been dealing with, at that particular moment, was full of you-know-what! He was such a chamelion. Now looking back...Thank God I didn't end up with that one! (Whew!)
TITLE: Scrabble, November 6, 2006
It's official...picking a man is like playing SCRABBLE...sometimes you get good letters, something to work with...you know? And then other times, you get some shitty ass letters that you don't know how in the hell you picked that sh**! Either way, no matter if you kill 'em with a TRIPLE WORD SCORE and you feel like this could be a winner.....you can still lose the m****f***ing game!
Seems like nowadays everyone's into playing...maybe I'm too old, because the last time I played... was in junior high school...shooting forward for the Panthers! Don't have time to play games and play around...or even upgrade...sorry B' I can't sing along to that one!
Seems like nowadays everyone's into playing...maybe I'm too old, because the last time I played... was in junior high school...shooting forward for the Panthers! Don't have time to play games and play around...or even upgrade...sorry B' I can't sing along to that one!
COMMENTARY: I have a daughter and on her fifth birthday, I decided to reflect on our time spent together. She means so much to me and like any parent, she's the best daughter one could ask for!
TITLE: MILittleANgel, June 29, 2006
Five-365-days-around-the-sun ago...this angel, this 22 inches of joy and attention seeking wonder came into my life at approximately 12:21pm. I remember seeing her for the first time and being lost for words when our eyes finally met. I'd already known her for nine months...knew her sleep patterns, how uncomfortable she would get when I would lay on my back. I knew that she loved Jill Scott and laughed internally when I playfully shook my stomach. And she had an addiction to Italian food.
I felt her movements and the agony of long legs stretching, searching for comfort within her confined temporary home. But through the emotional rollercoasters, the discomfort, the shortness of breath at times when I'd finally engaged with Mr. Sandman...I loved her first and couldn't wait to know her face to face. It was worth it and I'd do it all over again. Without him, without the support of others, and who could forget the looks and whispers I received in college, "Is she crazy!"...I wouldn't change a thing!
Now, many moons later...she's walking, talking, crying, laughing and simply existing as a child. No cares, no worries (well, she just has to have her personal pan cheese pizza from Pizza Hut)...but other than that, she is such a blessing. She's quiet and then she's loud, she's loving and then she's mean as dirt! A true Cancer! I love her, unconditionally, like every mother should love their child. She's my first love, that has always been reciprocated, without a doubt, unbeknowest to all....it is the best love one could ever experience. It is truly defined before you meet.
I love her and everyday I exist....she is in the forefront of my agenda....she is forever on my mind and apart of every plan for my LIFE. This little girl...turned me into a woman...I rediscovered my "true" self and humbly walked into motherhood. I've felt blindfolded at moments, but I know that LOVE surpasses all faults, idiosyncracies and imperfections. It's the times when she writes all over the walls, I chastise, I discipline, we magic erase the walls and then a few moments later....right back... to LOVE.
Happy Birthday Milan! LOVE you!
Your first teacher,
Mom
I felt her movements and the agony of long legs stretching, searching for comfort within her confined temporary home. But through the emotional rollercoasters, the discomfort, the shortness of breath at times when I'd finally engaged with Mr. Sandman...I loved her first and couldn't wait to know her face to face. It was worth it and I'd do it all over again. Without him, without the support of others, and who could forget the looks and whispers I received in college, "Is she crazy!"...I wouldn't change a thing!
Now, many moons later...she's walking, talking, crying, laughing and simply existing as a child. No cares, no worries (well, she just has to have her personal pan cheese pizza from Pizza Hut)...but other than that, she is such a blessing. She's quiet and then she's loud, she's loving and then she's mean as dirt! A true Cancer! I love her, unconditionally, like every mother should love their child. She's my first love, that has always been reciprocated, without a doubt, unbeknowest to all....it is the best love one could ever experience. It is truly defined before you meet.
I love her and everyday I exist....she is in the forefront of my agenda....she is forever on my mind and apart of every plan for my LIFE. This little girl...turned me into a woman...I rediscovered my "true" self and humbly walked into motherhood. I've felt blindfolded at moments, but I know that LOVE surpasses all faults, idiosyncracies and imperfections. It's the times when she writes all over the walls, I chastise, I discipline, we magic erase the walls and then a few moments later....right back... to LOVE.
Happy Birthday Milan! LOVE you!
Your first teacher,
Mom
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