Periodically Correct!

Put your money where your monthly is! That sounds crazy, but true. Men don't even have to bother with the extra money that's stamped into our monthly budget. The "other" or "miscellaneous" cost that takes us down the infamous back aisle. But just tell me one thing...why are we next to the condoms and pregnancy tests? SIDETALK: Okay...take that back. The condoms I can dig. But the pregnancy test? Unless it's a planned one, can you imagine how one feels when they're searching for that life changing & dreadful $13.99 box and they look over at you raving about the wipes that come with the Always pads. Oh the horror! (Thinking) You're perusing through the aisle, like a McDonald's menu, and I'm over here sweating bullets and hoping it's just stress that's causing the delay. Then there's the undenying feeling of judgment from those looking as you put the pregnancy test under a frozen pizza. I'd grab a box of pads anyway. It's not for me, it's for my best friend. Your psyche teleports to there's!

Anyway, I can sure get off topic. What's with the pad family these days? Or, some may be fans of the old stick and plug tampons. I just can't get with the feeling yet. I've tried, but dag...for some reason I don't breathe the same. So, in the case of pads I can speak rather intelligently about the extra-cushioned seating. I'm so tired of pads not really being manufactured for the big-booty-type! I'm a big fan of Always, but not always do I buy them. Kotex had this very effective "Body Fit" brand that had a velcro closing on the wings, and was shaped to the design of your "down under". Unlike the competitive Always brand that sticks and we know sometimes that stick will lose its juice & those wings will flap a little too far upward. The next you know we're hiding in corners trying to tug and pull the wedgies out! Unfortunately, my local Wal-Mart stopped carrying my favorite Kotex BodyFit brand and I hopped right back on the Always bandwagon. Nowadays I opt for the Always clean. Each pad comes with an individually wrapped wipe. It's alcohol free and has this very clean scent. I'm so paranoid about having that undesirable odor doing that "time" and this little added pad accessory has been quite the Mr. Clean! : )

So ladies...I've come up with an alternative to pads. What if there were disposable underwears with pads built into the seat. That way, if you're heavy this time and...you know what happens...you're not faced with the infamous...."Dag...I just bought a new pack of cotton panties!" All you have to do is toss them in File 13! What do you think? I'd call them Forevers. We could even make 'em stylish...you know decorate them the way they do paper towels?!!!! And kids' pampers?!

I know I'm on to something. Don't take my idea! If I catch anybody, or rather, if I see a pair of discarded Forevers with Ugly Betty decals on them....I'm coming for ya!